Sponsor a Negro

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Hi, I’m Sally Struthers, the whiny white girl from All In The Family and those annoyingly manipulative Christian Children’s Fund Commercials with starving black babies. I know you haven’t heard from me in a minute but President Clinton and I, seeing the tepid response that his face saving lies to church Negroes about his unconscionable attempts to racially polarize the electorate and smear Obama as “The Black Candidate” has been getting as of late, we decided change course, join forces and buy as many Negroes for Hillary as we possibly can. To that end, we have created the Christian Negro Voter Fund.

While serving as the first Black President I’ve understood for many years how gullible the average church Negro is and the fact that they’ll follow any B.S. their pastor says because they really worship him instead of the God they profess to serve. How else can you explain Creflo “Gimme a damn” Dollar? We need you to help us buy as many of these jackleg preachers and their politician friends as possible so that Hillary can stop the menace of Barack Obama and his “false hopes.”

Will you help?

Sponsoring a Negro is easy and very necessary because so many of them and their crooked preachers and politicians have their damn hands out like hookers on a corner ready to prostitute themselves to support a bad habit. Being a bigger P.I.M.P. and playa than R.Kelly, I should know.

The following charity case is just another sad example of a Negro in need. Can y’all help a sistah out?

SPONSOR A NEGRO

Choose a Negro to sponsor


Say “yes” to Sheila, and you can transform her life. Sheila from Texas is one of the thousands of Negroes waiting for a sponsor. For just 5000 dollars a day, you can give her a chance to indulge her galactic ego by providing her with some of life’s basic needs – First Class Air Fare, lavish Four-star Hotels, and nutritious food-all on Hillary’s Dime.
Sponsor Sheila now »
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SUBMITTED BY THE CHRISTIAN NEGRO VOTER FUND

Name: SHEILA JACKSON LEE URGENT
Case #: 1234567
Sheila hails from an abjectly poor and desperately needy family. Her husband is just a lowly University Vice President. Her meager income of about $165,200 per year does not suffice to support her family or provide them with even one extravagant four-star meal a day. As a mother she is resourceful at trying to make the most of what is at hand but lately all her efforts are in vain. Desperate and dejected living beyond her means but eager to give herself the chance of better perks from a Hillary Administration; she sought aid from this Project. Sheila has been a shameless flack for Hillary and if she is to continue debasing herself like a happy darkie and embarrassing the entire African Diaspora she will need your help. Your sponsorship is a great blessing to this needy House Negro.
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35 thoughts on “Sponsor a Negro

  1. Andrea

    David,

    You know you scared a lot of people with this one. When I saw it, I smirked. Then when I saw Sheila Jackson Lee requesting sponsorship, I could but only thank all of geekdom for the internet. It’s the devil in me that’s likes when the LITTLE PEOPLE strike back to claim democracy. Democracy here at it’s finest.

    So I guess you could say, “The devil made me do it” to play coy but I take that CONVICTION takes all credit here in nudging this out of you.

    I love the biting ingenuity. Clever. Confrontational. I think Frederick Douglass would be proud you have effectively used the first amendment, the industrious fortitude of the press, and political advocacy to take on the Goliaths.

    David, it takes a lot of courage to call out Sheila Jackson Lee — one of the Untouchables. Further it is so defiant practicing this audaciousness.

    You know the campaigns read your blog, right?

    I guess Sheila Jackson Lee’s office will be too very soon.

  2. lmwright

    To the point and just way too real. I think several of these politicians are way out of touch with their districts. I hope they realize what they are doing politically. You can’t best believe their are several folks waiting for their terms to expire to run against them. How are they going to address their own congressional districts on their support for Hillary when they run for re-election. Several CBC members miscalculated the Black vote, and underestimated Barack. They fail to realize how much support he had behind him, and now they are caught between a rock and hard place.

  3. I expect the next Negro who will need sponsoring is Champagne Charles Rangel, cause his woman is taking him to the cleaners as she walks out of their marriage, and he will need the cheddar to replace what the judge gives her for putting up with his cheating ass for the last 40+ years.

  4. NuPolitico

    Sheila Jackson Lee’s office will be reading this blog for comic relief. She teaches her staff a lot about the Hill, but she is grisly to work for.

  5. Yo, this is some classic sh*t right here. I’m going to add you to my blogroll to hopefully catch some of the magic.

    I was dying at work.

  6. NuPolitico,

    I’ve heard all the horror stories about Sheila and the way she mistreats her staff and abuses anyone who fails to honor her demands. This piece was for them and to call her out for Hillary minstrelsy.

  7. MacDaddy

    Great post, one of the best i’ve read this year.

    I told the field negro that there’s going to be so many black “leaders” prostituting themselves for Sen. Clinton that he’s going to have a hard time figuring out who to put on his sidebar as “House Negro of the day.” And there won’t be a lack of Hillary-loving black folks for you to considering sponsoring as well.

    My vote? Rep. Charles Rangel. His calling Barack Obama, a standing senator and candidate for President of the United States, is unforgiveable. Please put him up for sponsorship. Blesssings.

  8. NuPolitico,

    The letter calls for a solution that doesn’t disenfranchise the people. It is far short of an endorsement of seating a Handkerchief Head delegation.

    If the state parties of both states insist on being seated as is, without a caucus through which both campaigns can compete, they choose to disenfranchise their people.

  9. NuPolitico

    At first glance, I thought it was calling for the DNC to seat the FL and MI delegates to prevent disenfranchisement. My second reading of it made me suspicious. Am I reading too much into the last sentence? Find a solution that “…will not leave the millions of voters that went to the polls…without representation.” This made me think that Julian Bond’s preference is for the delegation to be seated as is, rather than have the caucus/convention or re-do primary solution. I could be overanalyzing it.

  10. Bay

    Skeptical brotha,

    Did you hear Tavis this morning on Tom Joyner going off on Obama for not committing to show up at the State of the Black Union forum? Tavis compared the support from black folk for Barack to the support some of us gave to OJ, in other words, he ain’t our kind and he will dissappoint us. Please, please do a post on this handerchief head. I guess the audio will be up later this evening or tomorrow. But it was just ridiculous. All he does is bash Obama everyday and doesn’t hold Hillary to the same standard.

    Oh, and on Tavis’s website, he prominently features a link to Bill Clinton’s latest book “Giving”.

  11. Rick, hand over some of that popcorn with butter, bro!

    As for Tavis, I’m not spending money to go to the Big Easy so he can get paid from bringing in the out of town Negroes into the hotels and what not to come there for the weekend. He probably set up another package deal like he did last year in Hampton.

    He had to move it from Jamestown after the Negroes on the journalism staff of the Richmond Times-Dispatch asked him why in hell would he choose to host the SOTBU at Jamestown, of all places? The place where Negroes were forced to set foot on this land…as SLAVES.

    I swear, Tavis did his best to spin that, talking about “celebrating our history.”

    Excuse me, no one wanted to celebrate being stolen from our land and enslaved, and that’s what the members of the Black Press told his ass, before he banished us to another room, while allowing white media members to stay and fed their asses, too.

    Barack needs to stay the hell away from the SOTBU, and call Tavis out on his straight up hating.

    Or at least, Michelle…cause Tavis wouldn’t want to tangle with that sista (and I’d pay money to see him try it).

    Don’t worry, there will be a hit piece on Tavis in Black Agenda Report as soon as I sit down with Glen and Bruce and figure out how we want to work it. Book it.

  12. Denise

    Regarding Tavis and the SOBU:

    When Senator Obama announced his candidacy during last year’s SOBU forum, I condemned it as a dog whistle attempt to highlight his distance from other black opinion leaders. I didn’t like it then, and I still don’t, but that is the extent of the “diss” for me. It’s never been about his lack of participation.

    That said, I don’t feel the Senator has a duty to speak at the next SOBU forum. This forum is not required for anyone, and I reject any effort to suggest otherwise.

    More more thing to consider: Tavis enjoyed tremendous participation and support from all of the Democratic candidates when he hosted the debate at Howard U. I honestly don’t understand what’s driving this controversy.

    Pick your battles carefully, Tavis. This one’s gonna backfire.

  13. Befree

    Obama did not attend last year and was invited almost a year in advance. He announced his candidacy the SAME TIME and DAY of the State of the Black Union. So really who cares if he doesn’t come. New flash the State of the Black Union was around before most knew Obama was. Asking ALL to attend was fair, only asking Obama to attend who be singleing him out. Right?

    I am not about to cosign on anybody saying a black person shouldn’t come to a black event because it will make “he or she” look black to white people. Does this apply to his Cabinet, I mean too many blacks would make white folks think he’s planning Nat Turner’s Next Rebellion? This has to stop somewhere. Obama should not attend because he needs to campaign, but not some “one too many Negroes in the room” mentality.

    What kind of thinking is this? Do we think we are tricking white people?

    The State of the Black Union is not supposed to solve all problems in black America. It’s a discussion of issues affecting us, I learn from it and it’s opens us up to new people and materials. Sometimes people put too much on one event. It’s like saying we don’t need Black history month because it doesn’t solve our problems. This idea that if he’s seen with too many blacks, white folks will know he’s black…they already know. If they don’t they are confused.

    Yes Obama must appeal to everyone to win the presidency, cool, but Tavis doesn’t, I don’t and those who specifically advocate on the behalf on BLACK PEOPLE don’t either. There are a few of us who still put US FIRST and I ‘m glad there are.

    I am confused by what people want from black activists. I mean do we treat Obama like the rest of the candidates and ask how his polices will impact black America or do we not. Do we just assume it?

    There is something wrong when black people tell him to stay away from us, we can pretty it up all we want, that is what it boils down to. This sounds like laws that prohibited slaves from congregating because they “might be up to something”.

    Now I hope people remember this because if he wins, the “accessibility rule” some suggested will still apply. The real issue is why can Hillery go to women forums and not be too “womanly”. I don’t want to cosign on a country were being with too many black people is problematic for white people.

    I would like to ask …….If being with too many blacks discussing social economic and political issues within a black context makes him the “black Candidate” what does it mean if he’s with too many white people does it mean he’s the “white candidate” or does it make him perfect?

    THIS IS THE REAL ISSUE: If white people STILL have a problem with any black candidate being at black events, it’s THEIR problem and not OURS.

  14. Andrea

    Befree,

    Read this below and then read the easier translation and tell me what you think.

    Hebrews 5: 11-14

    11Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing.

    12For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food.

    13For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant.

    14But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.

  15. OMG! That was hilarious! Shouldn’t there be more people? Maxine Waters, Julian Bond, Andrew Young. I can provide only a penny a month, I’m a working mom after all.

  16. This is hilarious and really on point. You really shouldn’t call people names, but it’s so funny and refreshing when you do!

    How are we going to elect a Black representation that serves our needs unless we pointedly name and blame the people who are CLAIMING to serve us while all the while selling us out?

  17. MEEMEE

    THIS IS BULLSHIT!!! Hillary is hillarious with the bullshit she cant back up! She starts of supportive untill the subject or circumstances change to whats opposite of what she was backing up. And what does she have to say well then it was good but now its not!!! Get it together I don’t want he representing us BLACK (NEGRO) PEOPLE!! Thanks but no thanks! Let her go back to the senate and stay there!!!!!

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