Michelle and Laura tour the White House

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After arguing passionately over proposition 8, I feel that you all could use some humor.  This is my first attempt at humor in a long while.   It stops when I am depressed and I am trying to recover.

I understand Michelle Obama got a grand tour of their new digs the other day and a little birdie told me that this is how it went down.

Mrs. Bush: (with clenched teeth and squeezed butt cheeks)   Welcome to the White House, Mrs. Obama.  It is a (makes air quotes) “fabulous honor” for me to introduce you to the loyal household staff and give you the grand tour of the entire residence and state rooms.

Mrs. Obama: Mrs. Bush, the cameras are gone.  You can cut the act.

Mrs. Bush: Whew.  Thank You.  I didn’t know how long I could’ve kept up the act.  The truth of the matter is that you people frighten me.  I just don’t know what this world is coming to.  Your husband’s election over a perfectly good white man is just not right if you ask me.

Mrs. Obama: No damnbody asked you.

Mrs. Bush: Anyhoo, I’ve had two Xanax and two Bloody Mary’s so we need to make this quick before they kick in.

Mrs. Obama: I can handle it from here. Don’t you have some embarrassingly servile House Negro who can show me around while you sleep it off?

Mrs. Bush: Condi is either shopping for shoes or in the Middle East and George fired that turncoat Colin Powell four years ago.

Mrs. Obama: No, Ma’am.  I didn’t mean those embarrassingly servile House Negroes, I meant the Black servants that wait on you hand and foot like they’re still on a plantation.

Mrs. Bush: Ron Christie, Armstrong Williams, and Alphonso Jackson are no longer with the Administration, dear.

Mrs. Obama: Nevermind. I see your (makes air quotes) “medication” is beginning to kick in.  Let’s just move on.

Mrs. Bush: Mrs. Obama, this is the White House Red Room, one of the White House’s many color themed historic parlors.   In keeping with this theme, your husband could entertain his many socialist and communist sympathizers and collaborators as they plot to redistribute the hard earned wealth of the the richest 1%.

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Mrs. Obama: Since were on the red theme, is this the room where your husband concocted the twin red herrings of weapons of mass destruction and yellow cake uranium from Africa as a pretext for war in Iraq? Cat got your tongue?  That’s what I thought. Why dontcha just keep it moving.

Mrs. Bush: Mrs. Obama, this is the famous Lincoln Bedroom that the previous president kept as busy as a brothel on a Saturday night by wheeling his wealthy campaign donors in and out at lightning speed. Needless to say, we’ve restored the room to its intended purpose.  How do you people plan to honor President Lincoln?

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Mrs. Obama: The best way to honor President Lincoln, Mrs Bush, is to unify the nation and preserve the union he so vigorously defended, unlike your draft-dodging, chickenhawk husband, and to work across the aisle with mutual respect and bipartisanship.

Mrs. Bush: Michelle, dear, here we have the historic Treaty Room as renamed by Jacqueline Kennedy, your role-model.   Speaking of Mrs. Kennedy, I do hope that you can keep better track of your husband than Jackie could. Democrat wives seem to have a problem in that department.  Anyhoo, The Nuclear Test Ban Treaty was signed in this room by President Kennedy in 1963. Your husband can use the room to surrender our nation’s sovereignty to the U.N. and leave us defenseless in the War on Terror.

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Mrs. Obama: Treaties, now that’s a concept I wasn’t aware the Administration knew anything about.   Have you ever heard about the Geneva Conventions?  No?  Neither has GeeShrubya.   As for keeping track of my man, nobody whose ever worked for Barack ever slipped up and referred to him as “my husband,” like your girl, Condi.  I know my man, but it must be sheer torture wondering whether your husband has a taste for brown sugar, honey.  Barack certainly does, and as you can see, (with both hands on her hips) that’s one mission he accomplished when he married me.

Mrs. Bush: (Flustered) Well I never…

Mrs. Obama: That probably explains alot.  Can we wrap this up?

Mrs. Bush: Last on our tour is the Diplomatic Reception Room, which serves as an entrance to the White House from the South Grounds for the members of the first family and for visiting dignitaries and ambassadors arriving to officially present their credentials to the President.  Y’all can use this room to pray to Mecca five times a day and receive all your terrorist supporters like Ahmadinejad and Hamas.

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Mrs. Obama: Diplomacy.  Now that’s another concept I am certain y’all aren’t familiar with.  How could you be…what with your preoccupation with preemptive war and indiscriminate bombing of defenseless civilians and all.  It’s hard to find time to grapple with the complexities of international law and the rules of war when your wars are just shameless grabs for oil and economic supremacy.

Mrs. Bush: Mrs. Obama, that concludes the official tour. Is there anything else you’d like to see?

Mrs. Obama: You mean other than seeing you, Lynn Cheney, and Mrs. Rumsfeld visiting your husbands in federal prison?

Mrs. Bush: Yes.

Mrs. Obama: I’d really love to see you carry your flat ass upstairs and pack.  Your time’s up.

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23 thoughts on “Michelle and Laura tour the White House

  1. You’re at it again!

    BWA HA HA HA HA HA

    You know, that if it had been a Democratic President that Condi had said the ‘ My Husband’ about, it would have been all over everywhere. I STILL shake my head just thinking about it.

    You are hilarious.

  2. leutisha

    I swear, SB, you and Town need to form a comedy act and take it on the road; not to mention showing lame ass D. L. Hughley how satirical comedy is really done. ROFLMAO!!!!

  3. section9

    Sad, too.

    The Administration, especially Laura Bush, has gone out of its way to engineer a smooth transition for the new President-elect.

    And your response is to generate satire like this? This isn’t comedy. This is vicious and low. Do this to Bush or Rice; they’re policy makers, but you do the President-elect and Mrs. Obama no favors with this kind of satire against Laura Bush.

    I don’t think Laura Bush deserved this. But I’m sure you’ll give me a thousand rationalizations justifying otherwise.

  4. section9,

    Lighten up. This is satire and not meant to be taken literally or seriously. Mrs. Bush is the only person in the Admin worthy of any respect. However, lets not pretend that these standard right-wing talking points I put in the mouth of Mrs. Bush were not used by the other side. That was not funny, not at all.

  5. spirit_55z

    Skepitical Brotha, this post is sheer genius, I certainly did need a gut busting laugh, and this was the best! Mrs. Bush: (Flustered) Well I never…

    Mrs. Obama: That probably explains alot. Can we wrap this up?

    Mrs. Bush: Last on our tour is the Diplomatic Reception Room

    Hee,hee,hee!

  6. You had me at “clenched buttcheeks”, SB! Sooooo delightful to have you back on the satirical bend–quite a recovery you’ve made. :) And me thinks Section9 ought refresh one’s mind on the definition of satire. Of course with this entry, I’m thinking your picture will be right alongside it, SB.

    And as for this portion:

    “Speaking of Mrs. Kennedy, I do hope that you can keep better track of your husband than Jackie could. Democrat wives seem to have a problem in that department.”

    Well, dear Laura Bush had no problems in that department since it’s a wee bit difficult to lose track of your husband (hard as one might try being married to GWB) when he’s got a pointy dunce cap on his head 24/7.

    And yes, Bush regime, your time IS up. Heck, it’s way past due.

  7. Just HAD to pop back over here to let you know you COMPLETELY ruined for me the portion of the 60 minutes interview where Steve asked Michelle about her tour of the White House with Laura Bush, SB! ;) All I could imagine was her telling Laura to “get her flat ass back upstairs” to pack. And yes, I admit, I DID watch the video they showed to see if Laura’s gluteus maximus was in squeeze mode. And I completely lost it when they showed the first picture you have posted…cracked me up!

    Seriously, though, it was a great interview. I especially enjoyed the last segment with Michelle where you got to see the genuine love she and Barack share. Loved their humor, and really enjoyed the rapport Steve had with both of them. Good TV.

  8. I love the story about him having the car with the hole in the floor. It’s true because one of Michelle Obama’s oldest friends is a talk radio personality here, and she talked about those old days. Barack Obama was a ‘Broke Brotha’, who spoke of high ‘ideals’, had no clothes, an apartment that if you sneezed, you were in the next apartment, and the car with the holes in it. Michelle married him because she loved him and believed in him. And, she wasn’t afraid to carry the family financially on her back while Barack Obama ‘ did his thing’.

    I had to tell ‘ A Brotha’, who was complaining that Barack ‘could have done better’.

    I was like, in what world?

    Tell me, back in the ‘ me me me’ 80’s, what Black woman was listening to a Black guy, graduating from the top of his class from HARVARD, when he says, ‘ Baby, I’m gonna go back and help poor people’.

    I was like, you gotta be kidding me.

    Very few women, especally college educated women with a truckload of their OWN LOANS, was hearing that.

    When Michelle heard and said, ” OK”, Barack knew what he had.

    He knew that he had found the person for the long haul. The person to go to hell and back with him.

    Smartest decision he ever made – marrying Michelle

  9. zeitgeist9000

    Funny!

    But Mrs. Bush is about the only one I like out of that whole bunch of war-profiteering, Republican base-baiting mongrels.

    No wonder she’s shopping her memoirs, while W has to be content with the cinematic version of himself for the time being….

  10. Cliff

    “Mrs. Bush: Yes.

    Mrs. Obama: I’d really love to see you carry your flat ass upstairs and pack. Your time’s up.”

    ROTFLMAO, Excellent

    “GET YOUR ASS OUTTA HERE!!!!!!” :)

  11. This was simply genius!

    I wont bother to blow smoke up your azz other that to tell you that this literally had me laughing out loud in several places. I am bookmarking this site and look very forward to coming here often to read more of your ideas.

    This would have been absolutely perfect for a skit that was acted out on the Chappelle (rest in peace) show.
    Talent like this should be shared with the masses!!!

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