Hillary’s Emancipation Proclamation

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By the rightful Democratic Nominee for President of the United States of America:

A Proclamation.

Whereas, on the seventh day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight, a proclamation was issued by the rightful Democratic Nominee for President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:


That on the seventh day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight, all Negro congresspersons, lesser Negro politicians, sycophants and political hangers on held as slaves by my galactic ambition and arrogant sense of white entitlement in any State or designated part of a State, the people whereof in rebellion against the Clinton dynastic control of the Democratic Party, shall be then, thenceforward, conditionally free; and the Democratic Party of the United States, including every elected official and party officer, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such Negroes, unless Barack Hussein Obama loses the General Election.

Now, therefore I, Hillary Rodham Clinton, The rightful Democratic Nominee for President of the United States, by virtue of the power vested in me as wife of the 42nd President of the United States, in a time of actual rebellion against permanent Clinton dynastic authority over the Democratic Party of the United States, do, on this seventh day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight, and in accordance with my purpose to publicly order a cessation of hostilities and designate as the States and parts of States wherein the people thereof respectively, are this day in rebellion against the notion of a black President of the United States, the following, to wit:

Arkansas, California, Florida, Indiana, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Oklahoma, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Puerto Rico, Tennessee, Texas, West Virginia,

And by virtue of the same illegitimate power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all Negro congresspersons, lesser Negro politicians, sycophants and hangers on held as slaves to my galactic ambition and sense of arrogant white entitlement within said designated States, and parts of States, are, and henceforward shall be free; and that the Democratic Party of the United States, including every elected official and party officer thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said Negro persons unless Barack Obama loses the General Election.

And I hereby enjoin upon the Negroes so declared to be free to abstain from any strenuous effort on behalf of Barack Hussein Obama, and I recommend to them that they be ready to be re-enslaved on Plantation Clinton should he lose .

And upon this act of political expedience, warranted by a begrudging recognition of political reality, I invoke the considerate judgment of party leaders, superdelegates and the punditocracy, and beseech the gracious favor of Almighty God that Barack Hussein Obama loses the General Election.

Done at the City of Washington, this seventh day of June, in the year of our Lord two thousand and eight.

By the rightful Democratic Nominee for President:

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Hillary Rodham Clinton