Do you remember that time when your Mama came home disgruntled and “tore out the frame,” grumblin’ under her breath about some “white bitch” she works with that tap danced on her last nerve like a manic celebrity on “Dancing with the Stars?”
Of course you do, because she was talking about Ann Coulter’s doppelganger. Your Mama’s nemesis is just like Ann, an obnoxious hypocrite with a sense of white entitlement and an ego larger than the circumference of the earth. She’s a privileged WASP who thinks that she’s the smartest person in the room and that your mother is better suited to be her maid, rather than her colleague. She’s a woman whose every offensive utterance makes people scatter like projectile vomit. If your Mama ever penned a dictionary of Black Vernacular, she would put Ann Coulter’s picture beside the uncharitable definition of “White Bitch.”
Well, Chillun, it seems the High Priestess of Hate, done caught a case in her new home state of Florida. Election officials in the sunshine state are going to prosecute a bitch for felony vote fraud. I guess the “constitutional lawyer” cut class that day in law school. Perhaps when her case gets to court, she can begin by launching into an arrogant tirade announcing her desire to be found innocent or she’ll put rat poison in the Judge’s creme brulee.
Then she can megalomaniacally assert that she was an integral part in bringing Bill Clinton to justice and in whose “nightmare of a presidency…there would be debates about whether to impeach or assassinate.” Skillfully leaving the threat of assassination in the air, she can then demand the Judge dismiss the case, he will indignantly refuse, pronounce her narrow ass guilty of vote fraud and for being a fascist strumpet, and sentence her to five years of torture in Abu Ghraib prison.
After her release from prison, she can publish a memoir about her experiences and call it: GUTLESS.