President Bush mourns the people’s trailer park princess

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President Bush released the following statement tonight:

I am utterly devastated. The whole of our country, all of us, will be in a state of shock and mourning. Anna Nicole was a wonderful, warm, compassionate, illiterate gold digger, playboy playmate and minor celebrity who people, not just in America, but throughout the world, loved and will mourn as a friend. Our thoughts and prayers are with her family, in particular with her baby girl, and with all of the trailer park trash families bereaved in this quite appalling tragedy.

I feel like everyone else in this country today – utterly devastated. We are today a nation in a state of shock, in mourning, in grief that is so deeply painful for us. She was a wonderful and warm human being. Though her own life was often sadly touched by dysfunctional B.S., she touched the lives of so many others in the United States – throughout the world – with drug-addicted and drunken joy. How many times shall we remember her, in how many different ways, blitzed outta her damn mind, babbling incoherently, stumbling around, or blissfully high, when, with just a look or a gesture that spoke so much more than words, she would reveal to all of us the depth of her empty-headed fatuousness and her questionable parental skills. How difficult things were for her from time to time, surely we can only guess at – but the people everywhere, not just the executives of TrimSpa but everywhere, they kept faith with Anna Nicole, they liked her, they loved her show, they regarded her as one of them. She was the people’s trailer park princess and that’s how she will stay, how she will remain in our hearts and in our memories forever.

I have asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Harry Reid to pass a joint resolution to allow Anna Nicole Smith, the people’s trailer park princess to lie in state in the U.S. Capitol at a state Funeral so that all of America can pay their respects and shed crocodile tears. 

7 thoughts on “President Bush mourns the people’s trailer park princess

  1. rikyrah

    You know that you aren’t right. This is hilarious. Simply hilarious.
    We shouldn’t be having laughs like this, but I can’t help it.😉

  2. Common, trailer park, fake breast, bedding a man 60+ years her senior, playboy, trim-spa, questions as to her baby’s daddy, and on top of that, rich! Man, she lived the American Dream to most white women in America. I am surprised they didn’t lay her body in front of MTV studios.

    By the way, looks like I am taking the DA job in the Queen City. They asked first and I will get a lot of trial experience.

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