Why do gatherings like this always look like a casting call for the worst comb over? Where in God’s name is queer eye for the straight guy when you need them. If a beautiful girl like Britney Spears can shave her head, what in the hell is Mike Huckabee’s problem. This sad bunch is just further confirmation that Republicans just can’t let go and are in more need of therapy and a makeover than the Geico caveman.
Speaking of cavemen, more than a few of the candidates sounded like they were some real knuckle dragging neanderthals. Sam Brownback affirmed congressional meddling in the Terry Schiavo right to die case. Ron Paul and Tom Tancredo, the gold dust twins of wingnuttia, were in rare form spouting crazy talk about isolationism and immigration.
Giuliani was underwhelming and was clearly a loser tonight. He was tripped up on Abortion by Chris Matthews, even though the inner city beat down administered to Romney was worse. Romney handled it better because he can flow with the best of the political rappers. Romney looked and sounded smooth like a baby’s behind. His rhymes were tight and his delivery and showmanship were, like his grooming, flawless.
The biggest disappointment of the evening had to be McCain. He looked and sounded uncomfortable all evening. A couple of stray one-liners and laugh lines did nothing to rebut my presumption. His line about following Bin-Laden to “the gates of Hell” was probably the best of the evening but his performance was uneven at best.
Three second teir candidates did better than expected in my estimation: Gilmore, Huckabee, and Brownback. All three were rather good, especially Gilmore and Huckabee. All made strong, memorable impressions as knowledgeable and reasonable conservatives. Of the three, Brownback won the Machiavellian award for his answer to the question about whether or not he could support a non pro-life nominee. He said he could-a clear indication that he is looking to bootstrap his way into the Vice Presidency with Giuliani.