Campaign Mailbag: Rudy’s 12 commitments

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12 CommitmentsDear Wingnut,

I’m running for President of the United States based on the fear and hate I can offer the American people. When I was the Mayor of New York, the city was in a crime crisis, a budget crisis and a financial crisis. When I left office, we had turned the city into a boiling cauldron of racial division and economic stratification.

Many of the things I did as Mayor of New York City are irrelevant to what America needs now. That’s why today I announced my 12 commitments to you, the American people. These commitments are intended to lift my megalomaniacal ass into the White House.

My 12 commitments to the American people are:

  1. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  2. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  3. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  4. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  5. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  6. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  7. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  8. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  9. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  10. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  11. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11
  12. I will shamelessly exploit the fear of terrorism and tragedy of 9/11

My focus – as it was when I ran for Mayor – is on the accumulation of unlimited power. Because real leadership is focused on handing our nation to the next white generation far more right-wing than it was when handed to us. Today, I’m asking you and all of my fellow White Americans to join me in this mission. Will you go to my website, JoinRudy2008.com, to sign my petition and show your support? I also ask that you forward this to 12 of your most right-wing, knuckle dragging friends and get them to sign it as well.

Nothing polarizes a government and a people better than a racist control freak that challenges it to deform, change and regress. I can divide this nation in ways nobody thinks is possible and can’t be accomplished. I did it as Mayor of New York City, and I can do it again in Washington.

It’s a hard job and I can’t do it alone. Will you join me? Please visit JoinRudy2008.com and sign my petition to show your support. Please ask 12 of your scariest wingnut friends to sign on as well. Together, we can destroy constitutional government forever.

If I am elected President, I want to establish a fascist police state. That is the kind of leadership I am offering. And that is why I am running for President.

Sincerely,

Giuliani Sig

12 thoughts on “Campaign Mailbag: Rudy’s 12 commitments

  1. So basically he’d just be continuing the FINE work that GWB has done as President: dividing the nation, exploiting the fear of terrorism, establishing a fascist state, etc., right?😉

    Again, thanks for the chuckles, SB…always enjoyable.

  2. Rudy forgot to mention that he likes to cross-dress like J. Edwina Hoover used to do, in his letters to “Wingnuttia”.

    Or how he kicked his gansta boy, Bernie Kerik, under the bus.

    Yeah, that plays along with continuing the “legacy” that GeeShrubya is leaving America – let the next guy handle the mess I started.

    I’m fresh out of snark today, but as always, I bow to your knowledge and way with a phrase, SB.

  3. ROTFLMAO.

    And as for the gentleman who said
    *****************
    Y’know… voting for him WOULD drive some people to actually start a revolution…
    *****************
    Uhhhh…
    I’m old enough to remember people smarter than me who said thats what would happen if Ronald Reagan got elected. They are still smarter than me, as I remind them from time to time.

  4. 1. The issue won’t be resolved till next summer’s 2008 Dem convention.

    2. I thought it was peach, not blueberry. Won’t buy it either, I’ll make it myself.

    3. I fully expect to win. When I do, what’ll it be? $20 and what from you, bro?

  5. I told you I’ll take this bet. While I can cook peach cobbler, I don’t want to go through the hassle of putting it on ice to get to you, so I’ll offer up a deep dish pizza mailed to you.

  6. rikyrah, you’re on too.

    In the unlikely event I lose, I will have to make two peach cobblers (or a bushel of GA peaches if I can’t find a way to do a dry ice delivery). But I really don’t expect to lose. I think that by convention time Barack will be just fine with the VP spot on the ticket, after all is said and done.

    And Skep — you still haven’t said what you’re putting beyond your $20. You gonna bake for us, or you gonna pick fruit? Whatzitgonnabe, huh?

  7. firefall

    Is it just me, or is it that the same white people who demonize the revs al and jesse by calling them race pimps and opportunists are blind to the way rudy had polarized NYV while he was mayor.

    The media makes a sport out of chastising Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson for bringing up racial issues, but rarily brings up the racisst track record of amerikka’s mayor.

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