Giuliani’s Christmas Ad (Revised)

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Copying front runner Mike Huckabee and sinking in national polls like a stone, a desperate Rudy Giuliani came out with his own holiday ad to deceive and reassure gullible Republicans.   

Rudy: There a many things I wish for this Holiday Season.  I wish for peace with strength, secure borders, a government that spends less than it takes in, lower taxes for our business and families, and I really hope that all the presidential candidates can just get along.  

Santa:  Ho, Ho, Ho, I was with ya right up until that last one. 

Rudy:   Can’t have everything. I’m Rudy Giuliani and I approved this message. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays.   

This is the parody ad I would have him release.  

Rudy:  There are many things I wish for this Holiday Season.  I wish for another 9/11 to scare the American people into voting for me, a government that spies on its own people, huge tax loopholes for the rich, and I really hope that before Bernie Kerik goes to jail, his mob friends will help me rub out the smug prick with perfect hair, Mitt Romney. 

Judi, the social climbing homewrecker: I wanna be First Lady and America’s Queen. 

Black Santa:  Ho, I was with ya right up until that last one.  

Rudy:  You black bastard, I’ll teach you to never say everything that pops into your head to a white woman.

Rudy’s security team shoots Santa in the back 41 times and calls it justifiable homicide because Black Santa “fit the description.” 

Rudy:  I’m Rudy Giuliani and I enthusiastically approved this gross display of racist police state fascism.  Merry Christmas. Seig Heil.

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Hillary’s Christmas Ad

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In a nod to fellow Arkansan Mike Huckabee, Hillary Clinton released a holiday ad, however, the following parody ad I conjured up is the one she should have released.   

A beautiful array of gifts is spread out before Hillary for Barack Obama. Hillary gets off her broom, smiles, extends a knarled finger and cackles menacingly:  I’ve got something for your pretty boy smart ass. 

The first gift is kneecapping Obama with deceptive direct mail from a labor union that looks like it comes from John Edwards. 

The second gift is Andy Young, a so-called civil rights leader and present day sell-out, saying that Bill Clinton, and Hillary by extension, is “every bit as black as Barack,” and that there are “more black people that Bill and Hillary lean on,” than Barack.   

The third gift is Bubba questioning Obama’s experience by saying that America would be “rolling the dice” with him as President.  

Finally, Hillary says with saccharine sweetness: Where did I put Bill Shaheen’s and Bob Kerrey’s racist innuendo?  There it is. (With an air of exasperated entitlement) How dare this boy challenge my claim to the throne. (Hillary’s expression turns into a scowl and she looks directly into the camera)  I’m the Borg Queen and to all of you undecided people out there, resistance is futile, you will be assimilated.