Faking the funk

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Jami Floyd

As I was preparing to go back to work today, I put on the TV and happened to catch a little Court TV, now True TV. Star Jones, the phoniest human being God ever placed on this earth, was on, and she was dishing with True TV anchor Jami Floyd about the upcoming O. J. trial. As it turns out, the case against the Juice is falling apart and the sistahs were discussing how the D.A. could get a conviction despite that.

Jami turned to Star and alluded to Star’s infamous time as a New York prosecutor. Star said as long as she could establish that there was a gun involved and some property was stolen, she could get a conviction.

Then Star, in all of her ostentatious glory, broke out with a priceless vignette and said in that conspiratorial tone that only black women have perfected, Gurrrrrrrrrlllllllll, there was that time I had a crackhead up on the stand and she fell asleep during my cross-examination. I had to clap my hands to wake her up….I got a conviction.”

I fell out laughing and was no good for the next ten minutes. I laughed all the way to work and laughed some mo’ when I got there and retold it. To hear tell of Star Jones and all of her celebrity pretentiousness, you’d never guess that she was just a country girl from little Bladen County, NC, puttin’ on airs. She punctured all of that today with her classless, pee-your-pants-funny vignette and ghetto girl routine. Designer clothes and expensive weaves don’t hide her lack of breeding.

The same could be said of Hillary’s billionaire minstrel, Bob Johnson. CNN reported his apology:

Dear Barack,

I’m writing to apologize to you and your family personally for the un-called-for comments I made at a recent Clinton event. In my zeal to support Senator Clinton, I made some very inappropriate remarks for which I am truly sorry. I hope that you will accept this apology. Good luck on the campaign trail.

Warm regards,

Bob Johnson

His so-called apology is nothing more than a terse statement acknowledging what he, the Clintons, and their various blackface minstrels lied about since this weekend. He smeared Obama on television and should have apologized publicly in the same way. Apparently, the billionaire CEO of America’s most tasteless television network can’t find a camera to apologize in front of. Perhaps they’re too busy filming that classless, bootyshakin’ filth were subjected to 24/7.

Born into the rural poverty of Hickory, Mississippi, Bob Johnson didn’t have much growing up except his name and his word. Despite marrying into the black bourgeoisie and accumulating billions, neither his name or his word mean much now. The Negro, like Star Jones, has been faking the funk for years.

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