The miscreants behind this year’s Republican National Convention belatedly recognized that celebrating the ruling classes triumph over fair taxation and the destruction of the social safety net would look questionable juxtaposed with the disastrous flooding and carnage on the Gulf Coast. Seeking to soften their perceived image as greedy capitalists with the American public, they trotted out Cindy McCain and Laura Bush to make a brief and seemingly heartfelt appeal:
Mrs. McCain: Thank You. I am so honored and so proud to be standing next to Mrs. Bush. As we work together to extend our support to relief efforts in the gulf, as each of the gulf coast governors just expressed to us, their challenges will continue in the days ahead, but everything will be fine as long as our disaster capitalist cronies continue receiving no-bid contracts and reap record profits from doing a half-assed job undoing the damage of Hurricanes that God fortuitously sends their way.
I am sure that you’ve heard of another disaster hitting America today—Hurricane Palin and her daughter’s tacky, trailer park pregnancy. 17-year-old Bristol Palin deserves our pity and support in this trying time. As John has been saying for the last several days, its time to take off our Republicans hats and get Bristol’s boyfriend a jimmy hat. Together, we can prevent this girl from getting knocked up again.
In that spirit, we’d like to ask that you go to a website—it’s called birth control, fool.com and give the largest contribution that you can give.
Mrs. Bush: I thank the heavenly father for the morning after pill. As the First Lady, I took the opportunity to smuggle some into the country from overseas before George legalized it in the U.S. God only knows how many babies Jenna and Barbara would have had after all their drunken carousing without it.
Mrs. McCain: Speaking of the morning after pill, I told my girls that I woulda disinherited their spoiled little assess, like I did my sisters, if they pulled a stunt like this.
Mrs. Bush: Anyway, y’all, we Americans are known for coming to the aid of their fellow citizens when crises such as these arise. Today, and in the coming days, let’s work together to provide those affected with the means to save face and continue their deceptive, racist, and demagogic campaign for continued Republican control of the White House.
Thank You and God Bless You