Tiger Woods Foundation Job Announcement

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JOB ANNOUNCEMENT

SEXY SECRETARY


Wanted: Sexy Secretary

The Tiger Woods Foundation’s Department of Internal Affairs, pun intended, is looking to hire a full-time “secretarial pool” of sexy secretaries to service the boss in whatever capacity or position he may require. In light of recent events, it is hoped that this arrangement will be much easier to control and be less costly to Mr. Woods’ net worth.

If you’re a blond bombshell dreaming of a position working along side a young, hung and horny billionaire in the office, sharing sly grins and smiles and then multiple times a week enjoying hidden rendezvous of extreme pleasure—you might want to apply today.  If you’re seeking respectable employment with a great starting salary as well as the occasional hole-in-one from the boss, Mr. Woods is eager to provide that fringe benefit.

Please email your numbers and a headshot so that we can set up a time to discuss Mr. Woods’ favorite positions and other details. If he agrees that there is a physical attraction and that the “job” might work out well for both of you, then Mr. Woods will contact you personally about getting together for a private “interview.” The Woods Foundation asks that you please take your name off your phone because Miss Elin will be checking.

Knowledge, Skills and Abilities

Mr. Woods is all about discretion and a capacity to keep secrets is a must. Tiger is serious about changing his womanizing ways, but just like a smoker that uses a nicotine patch, he will need to scratch that itch occasionally until he can go cold turkey. That’s where you come in. Tiger obviously doesn’t care about your typing and filing skills and the secretaries he hires must have a demonstrated ability to perform orally.  You girls must know how to fake the funk and look busy doing nothing important while waiting for Tiger to call.

Education, Training and Experience Requirements

This is the part of the job announcement where an employer is supposed to lay out what they want from perspective employees in terms of education and experience.  Mr. Woods obviously could care less about that. Tiger don’t care if you ain’t got a brain in your head because he only wants one thing from you, baby and one thing only: the willingness to drop everything when he calls and the ability to travel anywhere on a moment’s notice ready to “just do it.”

Men, ugly chicks, and non-white females are strongly encouraged not to apply.

7 thoughts on “Tiger Woods Foundation Job Announcement

  1. Tiger Woods and Harold Ford, Jr., have one thing in common: they’re addicted to white women.

    Ford Jr’s addiction to white women may have been one of the main reasons why he lost the Tennessee Senate race in 2006 to Corker.

    I’m hearing if Ford Jr., does challenge US Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) in the Democratic primary for the United States Senate, that former NY State Governor George Pataki (R) may run for the Senate seat as well.

  2. you made me laugh.

    you know you wrong.

    Men, ugly chicks, and non-white females are strongly encouraged not to apply.

    most valid thing you wrote….cause it’s true…LOL

  3. I know this piece is satirical, but I can’t figure out why Tiger’s sex life is any of our business. He didn’t break any laws. He didn’t kill anyone.

    And if Tiger likes white women, so what? Who cares?

  4. Sandy

    I have always thought of Tiger Woods as a nerd so it was SORT of a surprise that he was out screwing around. When you look at the women he was screwing around with (make puke face here) and you have to wonder about the man’s sanity. Those were some of the trashiest women I’ve ever seen. And what’s with women wearing jewelry in their cheeks? Gross.

  5. Blue Dogs

    Skeptical Brotha, Rasmussen Reports released a new poll showing Texas Governor Rick Perry (R) leading the GOP pack with 48 percent (he’s almost at the 50 percent mark to win the primary outright), KBH with 30 percent and Debra Medina in last place with 16 percent: she’ll continue to FADE.

    Prediction: Perry wins the GOP primary outright without a runoff
    Perry-50
    KBH-30
    Medina-18

  6. YOU ARE HYSTERICAL. It’s funny because it’s so damn true! I wish Tiger could just get divorced and bang all the waitresses, hostesses, porn stars, college dropouts he wanted from Salt Lake City to Miami.

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