Sponsor a Negro

Hi, I’m Sally Struthers, the whiny white girl from All In The Family and those annoyingly manipulative Christian Children’s Fund Commercials with starving black babies. I know you haven’t heard from me in a minute but President Clinton and I, seeing the tepid response that his face saving lies to church Negroes about his unconscionable attempts to racially polarize the electorate and smear Obama as “The Black Candidate” has been getting as of late, we decided change course, join forces and buy as many Negroes for Hillary as we possibly can. To that end, we have created the Christian Negro Voter Fund.

While serving as the first Black President I’ve understood for many years how gullible the average church Negro is and the fact that they’ll follow any B.S. their pastor says because they really worship him instead of the God they profess to serve. How else can you explain Creflo “Gimme a damn” Dollar? We need you to help us buy as many of these jackleg preachers and their politician friends as possible so that Hillary can stop the menace of Barack Obama and his “false hopes.”

Will you help?

Sponsoring a Negro is easy and very necessary because so many of them and their crooked preachers and politicians have their damn hands out like hookers on a corner ready to prostitute themselves to support a bad habit. Being a bigger P.I.M.P. and playa than R.Kelly, I should know.

The following charity case is just another sad example of a Negro in need. Can y’all help a sistah out?

SPONSOR A NEGRO Choose a Negro to sponsor

Say “yes” to Sheila, and you can transform her life. Sheila from Texas is one of the thousands of Negroes waiting for a sponsor. For just 5000 dollars a day, you can give her a chance to indulge her galactic ego by providing her with some of life’s basic needs – First Class Air Fare, lavish Four-star Hotels, and nutritious food-all on Hillary’s Dime. Sponsor Sheila now » Search for a Different Negro » SUBMITTED BY THE CHRISTIAN NEGRO VOTER FUND Name: SHEILA JACKSON LEE URGENT Case #: 1234567 Sheila hails from an abjectly poor and desperately needy family. Her husband is just a lowly University Vice President. Her meager income of about $165,200 per year does not suffice to support her family or provide them with even one extravagant four-star meal a day. As a mother she is resourceful at trying to make the most of what is at hand but lately all her efforts are in vain. Desperate and dejected living beyond her means but eager to give herself the chance of better perks from a Hillary Administration; she sought aid from this Project. Sheila has been a shameless flack for Hillary and if she is to continue debasing herself like a happy darkie and embarrassing the entire African Diaspora she will need your help. Your sponsorship is a great blessing to this needy House Negro.

We want you, Negro

Dear Brothas and Sistahs,

If you would like to waste Sunday mornings traversing around the country with Bill Clinton on his fruitless quest to regain the fawning favor of churchgoing African Americans-we want you, Negro. Apparently not satisfied that he has forever burned his bridge to the black community, the forty-second President is in desperate need of Negroes to travel with him and show the chronically stupid among us that voting for Miz Hillary is still “all’ight.” That’s where your dumb ass comes in. If you’re not thoroughly embarrassed to be seen with and for the Clintons, please give the campaign a call. All expenses and meals will be paid since Hillary kicked in $5 million before Super Tuesday.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a crackhead, homeless, an ex-con, or a sycophantic member of the Congressional Black Caucus (We’ll pay y’all extra). All are welcome because we are desperate as hell.

Please be aware of the proper dress code. Tattered clothes, handkerchiefs, and blackface makeup are welcome because they help to identify you as the shameless plantation minstrels that you are. You will be photographed repeatedly with the President for our undercover propaganda campaign to fool those stupid enough to believe that the campaign still has any black grassroots support.  Should the media wish to interview you do be sure to split your verbs and coon for the cameras because it lends the right touch of authenticity to our little deception.

In addition, if you have any children, please bring them. Black children are the classic Negro props White politicians have been photographing themselves with for over a generation when they don’t have a damn program to assure them of a future. In the first Clinton Administration we threw millions of black children into poverty and off of welfare to appease white suburbanites-expect more of the same the next go round.

So please join us on our journey to political irrelevancy and oblivion and call 1-800-BLACK FOOL because Hillary Clinton will be ready on day one to do absolutely nothing for the black community.

Sincerely,

Maggie

Maggie Williams, Head Negress In Charge