Kristi Watts: Pat Robertson’s Slave Girl


Questionable Role: Pat Robertson’s un-be-weave-ably happy darkie co-host on the right wing 700 club. KRISTI NEEDS YOUR HELP
Age: Old enough to know damn better. Sex: Female
Date she left reality: The day her stupid arse went to work for Robertson’s talabangelical network in 1999. Race: Black (Kristi’s membership in the race is under review.)
Latest Incident: Sitting there like a lobotomized coon while Pat Robertson attempted to discourage charitable giving to Haiti by spinning a fictitious tale of Haitians making a pact with the devil to gain independence from the French. Height: 5’6″
City Last Seen: Virginia Beach Weight: 140 lbs
State : Virginia Hair: Weave
Country: United States Eye Color: Brown
What You can do: Apparently Kristi doesn’t know that slavery is over and that she is free to leave Pat Robertson’s racist plantation network at any time to find legitimate work that doesn’t prey on her people’s religiosity and steal their hard earned money. Your generous contribution will help assist a team of professionals that will plan and execute an intervention on Kristi. They will show her that she doesn’t have to be Pat’s fuc*ing slave girl and that Christianity is not synonymous with the GOP. Should they fail to persuade Kristi, they’ll just beat her damn arse like she stole somethin.’